did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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