Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
