I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Randomize
