i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
