I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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