so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
