I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
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