If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
