I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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