3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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