dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
