my mouth tastes like poor choices
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
