he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
