your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
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It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
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This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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