weddingsv make me drug and hornr
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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