After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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