Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
