Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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