maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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