You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
