I wanna bring you to show and tell
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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