New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
