drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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