so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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