I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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