I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
