did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I touched a dick in church today
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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