In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
