Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
