i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
