i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
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