you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He has the fingertips of a God
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