I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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