And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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