Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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