So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
