You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
