i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
