careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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