You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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