I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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