OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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