I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
