I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
