Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
don't judge my taste in strippers
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
