So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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