I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
