dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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