did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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