i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
