to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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