I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize