I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
