UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
