I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
