Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
