About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
