I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
