Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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