At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
