Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
