i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
