Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
YAS. BRING CRAB.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
