the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
