Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
