Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
