I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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