My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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