So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
