How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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