She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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