I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
