You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
