I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
