i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Boobs are out for the taking
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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