Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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