Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
