I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I just forgot I was standing up.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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